Order of love
When I attended a workshop on trans-generational healing, little did i know the lasting impact it would have on me... it not only helped me in understanding some things about myself better , but it also gave me a lot of basis for the personal coaching that I do and share it with my fellow coaches and peers. I'd like to write about it here because it is useful information for all and might free many of you from invisible bondages from the past.
"Order of Love" is one basis on which this work hinges. What it means is that parents must live their life as they choose and pass on only unconditional love and support to their children and not their baggage. They must give their blessings to their children to live their lives to the fullest as per their(child's) wishes and learn from their(child's) experiences.
That means it is the parents responsibility to pass on only love (and not their emotional or other baggage and expectations) to children and not the child's responsibility to keep the parents happy. That goes against the flow and will cause a short circuit. Energy to the child is blocked and he/she cannot flow creatively. Once parents understand this and let go of expectations , the children can flower creatively and live a full live..which will automatically include loving your parents. No special effort will be required to be nice to parents, when you are free to explore life anyway you want .
Many times children try to do so many things to please parents which are completely against their nature...career choices, spouse choices etc.. When you do something to please someone, and are not happy with it, you are not taking responsibility for your choices... you are just getting ready to blame someone else for your misery.
One example of 'order of love' gone out of order is this... when in a family, the father dies early or abandons the family, and the elder son takes 'responsibility' or it is 'expected' for him to take responsibility by the mother or other members, when he himself is still young, he becomes the 'father' to his siblings and a 'partner' to the mother .So when he has a family of his own, he already has a 'family' and the new family is never a priority. So marital discord and unhappiness is a given! He must realise that he has to take 'unconditional love' from his parents and pass it on to his children. He cannot change his role. It upsets the family dynamics and causes strife in all concerned. This does not mean you cannot help your family... but you must be aware of the space you are coming from and stop making people depend on you unnecessarily.
Whatever each of us go through, that is our life and our fate to live as we choose to. It has nothing to do with our children. So we must remember to pass on only unconditional love to our children and bless them to live their lives fully as they see fit. We must also support them unconditionally without expectations.
This is what I learnt. I may not have put it very clearly...
you can also search google for trans-generational healing for more inputs.
"Order of Love" is one basis on which this work hinges. What it means is that parents must live their life as they choose and pass on only unconditional love and support to their children and not their baggage. They must give their blessings to their children to live their lives to the fullest as per their(child's) wishes and learn from their(child's) experiences.
That means it is the parents responsibility to pass on only love (and not their emotional or other baggage and expectations) to children and not the child's responsibility to keep the parents happy. That goes against the flow and will cause a short circuit. Energy to the child is blocked and he/she cannot flow creatively. Once parents understand this and let go of expectations , the children can flower creatively and live a full live..which will automatically include loving your parents. No special effort will be required to be nice to parents, when you are free to explore life anyway you want .
Many times children try to do so many things to please parents which are completely against their nature...career choices, spouse choices etc.. When you do something to please someone, and are not happy with it, you are not taking responsibility for your choices... you are just getting ready to blame someone else for your misery.
One example of 'order of love' gone out of order is this... when in a family, the father dies early or abandons the family, and the elder son takes 'responsibility' or it is 'expected' for him to take responsibility by the mother or other members, when he himself is still young, he becomes the 'father' to his siblings and a 'partner' to the mother .So when he has a family of his own, he already has a 'family' and the new family is never a priority. So marital discord and unhappiness is a given! He must realise that he has to take 'unconditional love' from his parents and pass it on to his children. He cannot change his role. It upsets the family dynamics and causes strife in all concerned. This does not mean you cannot help your family... but you must be aware of the space you are coming from and stop making people depend on you unnecessarily.
Whatever each of us go through, that is our life and our fate to live as we choose to. It has nothing to do with our children. So we must remember to pass on only unconditional love to our children and bless them to live their lives fully as they see fit. We must also support them unconditionally without expectations.
This is what I learnt. I may not have put it very clearly...
you can also search google for trans-generational healing for more inputs.
Brilliant post Shobha. I will send this link to all the parents that I know.
ReplyDeleteYes, works well in prosperous societies. "Flowering creatively" is a luxury not affordable to everyone everywhere.
ReplyDeleteGreat article Shobha. We all have to remember to honor ourselves by following our own path in life and giving others the freedom to follow theirs. Of course when our children are young, we must guide and protect them - we cannot let them play video games day and night while flunking school. At the same time we cannot hold our children to rigid and unnattainable standards. We can only guide them to learn skills and attitudes that will help them unfold their highest potential and to find their own path.
ReplyDeleteThanks Marla.I agree and hope to practice it..
ReplyDeleteMakes great sense. Agree with Maria too. I think striking the right balance is the most difficult thing...
ReplyDeleteI loved the article and learnt from it too, I will let go and let them live and love them from now on .
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing an important thread in living life fully.
ReplyDeleteWe can live our life, and we must let others choose their life pattern and be supportive in their journey.
To draw a line between supporting and carrying others burdens is very difficult, in every day life. Big confrontations are opportunities for re-drawing this line, I feel.
We have a choice on how to lead life, Now. And we must make the most of it, while leaving the rest to ...
Then perhaps we can comment years later like Robert Frost in his immortal poem
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference"
Further, I was happy to hear confirmation of my belief that we must love our children unconditionally and bless them to live their lives fully as they see fit, while supporting them unconditionally without any expectations.
This is what I understood and related to. Many thanks for sharing. Much appreciated.